


hold me tight. (and don't let me go)

by fuyusayo



Category: Love Live! School Idol Project, Love Live! Sunshine!!
Genre: Angst, F/F, Heavy Angst, Metaphors, One-Sided Love, Unrequited Love, aaaaaaaaaangst, kai u better give me an essay, ventfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-28
Updated: 2018-07-28
Packaged: 2019-06-17 12:01:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15460920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fuyusayo/pseuds/fuyusayo
Summary: If they said that wishing upon a star would grant my wishes, and I was a small, dull star, would my wishes come true if I'd wished upon myself?If I had one wish, it was for you to simply hold me tight, in your arms, and never let me go.





	hold me tight. (and don't let me go)

 

 

I longed for you to hold me tight by the night sky as the stars fell on us. We would both be laughing happily, not a care in the world. You would cuddle me in your arms and the warmth would envelop me. I had dreams of us kissing softly under the falling sun. Those promises you made, I waited for you to fufill them.

 

I wished we could spend the rest of our days  and grow old together, but only children wished; thus I wished to be a child for so much longer. Time was never to be taken back, and wishes were to never be granted.

 

I thought that you would, hopefully fall for me too, and from that I learnt an important lesson- fate was cruel indeed. 

 

I fell for you, who was not, and never mine. It was twisted, yes, as it ripped my insides and torn it apart, my heart clenching, throbbing as if it was being stabbed. It was of such pain that I could barely ignore, the thoughts of never good enough filled my mind like a balloon. Anxiety was a drug as sadness was liqour; making me high and drunk on the illusions I was forced to believe.

 

I felt guilty, in fact, it may be because of how I fell for you, even though you belonged to her; I am indeed, a horrible person.

 

Your smile when you're with her, if I could describe it, made me feel a paradox of emotions, both joy and sadness contrasting one another, conflicting within my fragile heart. It was so bright, beautiful, and content. I wished I was the reason behind it. If I could just make you smile like that, I'd be okay; totally satisfied, in fact.

 

A lonely expression just lingered on my face, everytime I see you pass by, chatting, playing, teasing her, ruffling her hair, and I could only imagine how you'd do that to me as well; as I unconsciously placed my hand on my head, imagining that it was yours.

 

Instead, only dreams satisfied me now. Those short, painful, unreal yet beautiful and illusionary dreams that flew me out of reality. I lied to myself, ' _Having her in my dreams was enough_.' , but sadly, human greed knew no bounds; I craved more of you. I wanted to be her, at times, to recieve the soft smile that you'd gift to her; seeing you changing her contact name to a spam of hearts. She was so lucky, I envied her. I wanted to be the reason for that special look in your eyes.

 

I am a selfish person, per say, greedy as well. Just like how Icarus would reach for the sun and had his wings melted, I fell to my doom as I reached for you; who never shone on me.

 

I was the lonely star, while you were the sea. I was the star who never shone brightly, unlike the sun you loved, bringing smiles to everyone that she'd shone upon; she rose from the sea's horizon each day, as well as when she faded back to sleep, not without touching you each time. When the both of you did, however, it was a breathtaking sight- as compared to the fading light of the lone star; orange skies collided with purple and pink hues as the blue sea reflected its beauty, the bright ball of sunshine slowly fading beyond the horizon. 

 

At times I would then think that the both of you were indeed, made for each other.

 

While I was the lone star that never shone, the one that people would always ignore, or never see. I could not simply chase the dark night away; just like the sun who brightens the entire night, including me who she outshone each day.

 

Could the stars ever reach the sea however? I wonder. The ethereal heavens and the sparkling deep sea, were so close, yet so far apart.

 

I was always watching you.

 

Those blue eyes of yours would always smile for her. Your heart longed for her smile, her cheerful eyes one of ruby red. How she shines, how she sparkles, you loved every single bit of it; as compared to me, who was just a plain, normal girl who never stood out. The normal monster Riko-pi. That's who I am. Just a plain girl who played the piano.

 

_~~I hoped, I reached, and I fell.~~ _

 

I fell for your charming antics, one that would trigger the dancing of a smile of my lips each time. Your deep blue eyes, a mysterious charm that was begging to be explored; emotions so beautiful that were revealed in the windows of your soul. Your million dollar smile that shone so bright, forcing me to bare my emotions, as though a drop of red dye stained my cheeks.

 

At least for now, I felt content and happy, but who ever knew how bittersweet it was. Just like chocolate, indulgent, yet too much was never good. I liked to imagine myself as a princess just being swooped off my feet, by you. Those illusions of mine, just became another song, another melody for me to play. They took me to a kingdom where she was a gallant, chivalrous knight served a princess.

 

It'd never reflected the bitter part of love, until now as my fingers took me to another world, the melancholy song filling my ears, each note ringing in my mind.

 

_'The song of a Waiting Love.'_

 

It took me to a world by the sea as the sun set; my hand reaching out, reaching for the sea that I couldn't ever reach. There you were, feet submerged in the seawater, reaching your ankles. Your hands were open wide, as if you urged me to hug you. I walked over to her, nay, ran, into your arms, feeling the warm embrace I craved. An ugly sob ripped through, staining your chlorine-smelling uniform with tears. Your smile was the one you'd given to Chika, your eyes loving and warm.

 

You whispered sweet nothings, embracing me tighter, breaking the charm of anxiety within me. I wanted for us to stay like this forever.

 

_If they said that wishing upon a star would grant my wishes, and I was a small, dull star, would my wishes come true if I'd wished upon myself?_

 

A choked sob, "I love you, You-chan."

 

"I know." Your eyes were sad, guilty even. "I'm sorry."

 

_If I had one wish, it was for you to simply hold me tight, in your arms, and never let me go._

 

"For now, could you hold me like this, please?" As hallucinatory as it was, you, in my mind, agreed. I felt as if I could shatter if you let me go. The warm embrace slowly faded, as well as the scene around you; the final chord sounding throughout. 

 

Crystal blood rolled down my cheeks as my heart bled once more. There was no one to hold me, aside from the cold air of the room. Shaking hands wiped the blood away, to no avail as they kept coming and coming, dripping onto the keys, wetting them.

 

_It was a painful hallucination, a dream, an illusion she believed in; just to keep her sane, and only children believed in wishes._

**Author's Note:**

> Hshzhshs ventfic yeet


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